Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Living with Fine!

When I started this blog, I announced that Pen would at times be referred to as Fine! when her pre-teen attitude was raging. That was back when her pre-teen moments were rather few and far between (relative to now). Pen has been playing the part of Fine! so well and virtually constantly the past few months-- well, I've really forgotten who Pen is. The problem is, that I'm not sure Pen knows who she is either.

Who is this? Pen? Or Fine!?

Sometimes, the Pen I know (and understand) peeks out at me...

But more often than not I am confused, and I think so is she.

I can see where the disconnect lies-- she thinks she is old enough to be able to wear 4 inch heels and makeup and speak to everyone with disdain and impatience, I think 2 inch heels are a fabulous choice and her beautiful face doesn't need any makeup (at least not until she's 12) and (call me silly) I think speaking to others with love and patience is something to at least strive for.

I worry that Pen is gone forever (or at least for the next 8 to 10 years). I don't expect her to be the Pen of old, but I hope we're able to find the new Pen underneath all of the Fine! that overshadows her. That's my goal. I don't want the disconnect to become any worse, that's for sure. I hope we can rediscover Pen. Together.


jwise said...

K, her face TOTALLY does not need any makeup!!! Beautiful pictures! I know what you mean about hoping you get the One you know back. She's still in there. I have a feeling we'll be pleasantly surprised. Especially once our kids have kids!

The Laundry Queen said...

I sure hope so, jwise!

The Watty's said...

Isn't it great to know that Pen is not Fine when away from you? Isn't it grand that children choose to test life out on the "unconditional" loving people first before they venture into the world and test it? Isn't life grand? xoxox

Sassymama said...

I love this.
Beautiful pictures, beautiful sentiment.
I think you are right... 8-10 years she will reemerge as an even better Pen.

Babs said...

Pen/Fine! is lucky to have such a sweet, loving eloquent mom. She will understand that at one eventually.