When I started this blog, I announced that Pen would at times be referred to as Fine! when her pre-teen attitude was raging. That was back when her pre-teen moments were rather few and far between (relative to now). Pen has been playing the part of Fine! so well and virtually constantly the past few months-- well, I've really forgotten who Pen is. The problem is, that I'm not sure Pen knows who she is either.
Who is this? Pen? Or Fine!?
Sometimes, the Pen I know (and understand) peeks out at me...
I can see where the disconnect lies-- she thinks she is old enough to be able to wear 4 inch heels and makeup and speak to everyone with disdain and impatience, I think 2 inch heels are a fabulous choice and her beautiful face doesn't need any makeup (at least not until she's 12) and (call me silly) I think speaking to others with love and patience is something to at least strive for.
I worry that Pen is gone forever (or at least for the next 8 to 10 years). I don't expect her to be the Pen of old, but I hope we're able to find the new Pen underneath all of the Fine! that overshadows her. That's my goal. I don't want the disconnect to become any worse, that's for sure. I hope we can rediscover Pen. Together.