I am usually the type of person who loves to be proven right. I mean, it's nice to have people acknowledge that I do, indeed, know what I'm talking about. Who doesn't like that? Unless, of course, we're talking about predictions of something less than pleasant taking place. In those cases, I am more than happy to be proven wrong.
I wish I had been in this case.
We have realized since Rophone received his Crohn's diagnosis, that he seems to have a flare-up of symptoms every 6 months. Kinda like clockwork. Six months ago, when Rophone had his last flare-up, I did the math and came up with an answer I wasn't happy with.
Yes-sir-ee. A flare-up right when I'm due to give birth. Rophone has been struggling the last few weeks, and it doesn't seem to be getting markedly better very quickly. Sucky. I feel so bad for him, but I can't help feeling a little worried for myself, too. It's kind of reminding me of what happened after I had my elbow surgery and Rophone ended up in the hospital and I was at home with 4 kids and my arm in a sling.
I keep having these dreams that Rophone gets himself admitted to one hospital while I drive myself to the other where I'm scheduled to give birth, having contractions the whole way. Talk about road rage!
I'm afraid, too, that he won't be well enough to help out once the baby comes. And then I feel guilty. I know it isn't his choice to be sick and that it sucks for him, so I should be more selflessly feeling empathy for his pain and suffering. Instead, I find myself fearing that I'll feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin once the baby comes.
I mean, I know I'll feel that anyway, but having Rophone in tip-top shape would surely lessen the stress and make me feel like I can take the time to recoup a little more. And I want him to not feel bad that he can't do all he'd like. Sucky, I tell you.
So, while it's true that I am terribly uncomfortable in these last stages of pregnancy (has anyone seen the rest of my pod? I seem to have become beached), I am perfectly happy to wait to give birth a little while longer. I am just hoping and praying that Rophone can start to feel better so we can both truly make the most of this experience together. Please.