The Same

Big (playing the role of Eva) and I were enjoying playing catch with the football yesterday, when he announced that he doesn't want to be a boy anymore except when he's at school. "I want to be a girl, Mom. I want to be Eva." I started asking him about why he wants to be a girl, trying not to ask him leading questions, but he couldn't articulate a reason. "I just do." he said. 


I then told Big about how when I was a little girl I wanted to be a boy really badly. "You did?" he asked in total disbelief. Yup. It's the truth. I wanted to be able to take my shirt off when I played outside and pee standing up and be in cub scouts. I took my shirt off a few times and got in trouble, tried to pee standing up and made a mess, and made the most of girl scouts (But it just wasn't the same. Except for the cookies part. That rocked). 


When I told Big the story, he got the sweetest, knowing look on his face and said to me happily, "Do you know what that means, Mom? We're the same!" I could tell that he felt better about his feelings and was so happy to know that he's not alone. Then Big said the best thing to me. "Mom, I'm glad you're not a boy, because if you were a boy then you wouldn't be my mommy. You're the best mom in the world and I love you."


I love you, too, Eva.


And then we went into the bathroom and trimmed Big's bangs. After we were done he examined himself in the mirror to see how I did and we had this conversation:


Me: "You're a handsome boy." (Oops. Always forgetting to refer to him as a girl.)


Big: "I know. But I'm not a very pretty girl."


Me: "That's true. You wouldn't make a very pretty girl."


Big: "Huh."


Then, today, Big let me know that he really does like being a boy better, but just enjoys pretending to be a girl. Okay. That works for me. I came to the same conclusion about being a girl. 


Guess we are the same.