Tuesday, June 3, 2008

My Complex Life?

During the last week I have reconnected with a friend from my college days at BYU.  I am very excited about it and look forward to a continuing friendship.  In answer to his question about what I am up to these days I sent him the link to my blog, thinking that it would be the easiest way to get him up to speed (at least about the last few months, anyway).

After he read my blog entries he emailed me and said (I hope he doesn't mind me using this), "I had no idea how complex and interesting you were at the time I knew you".  Was I?  Am I?

Here I was, thinking I am leading a somewhat unremarkable stay-at-home-mom type of life, yet there is someone who saw something complex and interesting about it...about me!  It has caused me to take a second look at the life I am leading.  Was I more complex and interesting then, or now, or am I the same?

It is true that Rophone tells people that he married me because I am the only woman he knew who could hunt/trap/catch our dinner and then make something marvelous out of it in the kitchen (I'm sure I would then sew him some clothes out of the animal hides, belting the pants with some rope I made myself, of course, probably singing angelically all the while). So, maybe I'm more well-rounded than some--but I haven't made rope in years and will only sew if someone really insists.  

When I asked Rophone the question regarding my complexity, he says that I am the same. That may be mostly true, but I can think of one huge difference. Back then I had the self-esteem of a gnat (Okay, all you gnats out there, don't get your panties in a wad!  I'm not saying that every single one of you has a low self-esteem, just that even if you have a very large gnat self-esteem it is still small by human standards).

Luckily for me I married a man who has always known me and loved me just for who I am. He has never had any plans or desire to change me, only to help reveal the things he knew I had inside. His acceptance of me has helped me to more readily accept myself, and his recognition of the creativity and talents I have (and his desire to have me discover and develop them) has helped me to believe that they are really there.  I am so glad to have married someone who is not threatened by or jealous of any growth I may experience, but in fact rejoices in it and is right along with me for the ride.

So, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I have always had something complex and interesting about me that I could share--it's just now that I'm finally starting to believe it that it's more noticeable. 


PhatNat said...

I second that- you have always had something interesting and complex about you!


Klayman said...

Yes, it is true, it is in environments of emotional security that we allow the best parts of us to be revealed. You now have that with your marriage, where as in college we are all trying to protect our microscopic self-esteem and therefore do not share the best of ourselves. But thankfully you are complex and interesting rather than complex and NOT interesting.
Blog environments also lend themselves to semi-anonymous security.